Sunday, September 16, 2007

New Ideas, post your thoughts

So I am down in FL flying everyday. That part is cool. Except that it is hotter here than in VA and my plane's AC is broke. SO it gets up to about 110 in there as I am flying my 3 hour missions. Sweet. I sweat so much that I stop sweating. I always thought that was bad.

I have not been studying for Bender vs GMAT II, but I have been working on some essays. I am taking my shot and the timing is good for me to go to school next fall. That is already established. If you dont have dreams, what do you have? So I am really putting in the time with these essays. I hope that you may find the below and interesting read. I would much rather be putting in miles. But I think this break from the bike will do me good. To be honest, there really isnt much I'd rather do than go suffer on the bike for a 2 hour bully-ride. We truly are blessed to know what it means to be a rider.

The worst part is, I sold my vortex to a prof at Darden and now I can find his number! F!


Anonymous said...

i wood`ve reed it , but i donn`t know how 2 reed......

Blog Troll said...

Great writing job JW! Write more!

Liz Schleeper said...

It's good. Vivid and strong point about being follower first.

In the first few sentences, it is not clear if you are running or if you are in the car. Or if the car is a metaphor? Also, the "yard" may be too jargoneske for a civi reader.

I would crop down that long paragraph. From "As a midshipman" down, I would scale that back to one concise sentence. You have great details in the previous sentences and it all gets lost trying to wade through those last 3 in that paragraph.

Also in that para, "There is no" sentence seems misplaced since you started into the jump experience. Either remove it, or place it next to the other 1000 freshman sentence (I would remove it). In general, separate the leading freshmen sentences from the jump sentences since they are two different experiences.

Change "upon" to "after" in last paragraph. Nice concise way to bring it back together in the end.

Little stuff--10 in para 1 and 6 in para 3--write out the words.